Against the recommendations of my psychiatrist, I stopped taking most of my medications two weeks ago. My plan was to just disappear and never follow-up with him, but at the behest of my [very worried] psychologist, I'm going to face him tomorrow afternoon.

Needless to say, I'm a little anxious.

There were a lot of reasons that I decided to greatly reduce my heavy medication regimen on my own, one of which was frustration with my psychiatrist and a resulting sense of rebellion. (Please... no lectures... I am completely aware that discontinuing my meds has the potential to hurt no one but me.)

Fortunately, I've actually felt somewhat better since stopping the abilify and trileptal and decreasing the doses of the other meds I take. I have more energy, better focus, less desire to nap constantly... basically it seems that the medications were actually causing all of the problems that he kept prescribing new things to try to fix.

I'm not sure how the psychiatrist will react to me telling him that (although I can assume that he won't be positive or supportive...), or what he'll want me to do. I imagine that I'm destined for the lecture of a lifetime. If he tells me to go back on the trileptal and abilify, I want to put my foot down and say "no." ...but I can be a wimp when faced with authority figures... I'm generally not very good at standing up for myself, you know?

I wish I didn't have to go see him, but it's probably the right thing to do. I need to have someone I can call upon in case I go off the deep end. I'm just hoping that he doesn't get angry enough to fire me as a patient, because then I'll be in serious, dangerous limbo.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that things go okay...