Hello & Welcome, Tangodream!

"Scary" often accompanies starting something new, and for people free of depression it's usually a positive or at least bearable "scary." For someone shouldering heavy psycho-social-physical weights, however, I cannot be surprised the "scary" is really scary and even paralyzing.

Were I you, I'd throw myself a party just for arriving at work on that first day. Getting through the first day would call for a second party! (Actually, I'm so apathetic, I'd probably drink a club soda and call that my party.)

It's no shame to be afraid. We're here to listen and toss around ideas. Sift them out and see if any help or comfort.