Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohag
Hello & Welcome, Tangodream!
"Scary" often accompanies starting something new, and for people free of depression it's usually a positive or at least bearable "scary." For someone shouldering heavy psycho-social-physical weights, however, I cannot be surprised the "scary" is really scary and even paralyzing.
Were I you, I'd throw myself a party just for arriving at work on that first day. Getting through the first day would call for a second party! (Actually, I'm so apathetic, I'd probably drink a club soda and call that my party.)
It's no shame to be afraid. We're here to listen and toss around ideas. Sift them out and see if any help or comfort.
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Its nice to hear from someone who understands where I'm coming from. I guess I never thought of it that way--that I'm trying to look at this from a non-depressive person's point of view, when in fact I can't, and trying to do so makes it worse for me.
So I acknowledge that--but now what? I'm still feeling terrible inside today. Physically, I feel awful too. My sinuses are really bad with an infection & allergies right now & my doctor couldn't get me in today for my joint pain because he doesn't give injections. I'm so worried that my physical health will ruin things for me no matter what I do.
I feel like such an utter failure right now, for feeling this way. I've never dealt well with major changes in my life, unless they were ones that were extremely positive, like falling in love. This new job doesn't feel like a positive change for me, not in the least bit.
I'm so confused.
Thanks for the welcome & the advice.
K