Why does that n0t register in my oh s0 brilliant mind? All I ever end up feeling is guilt and shame. Doesn't matter how I spin it,the outcome's always the same. Thinking about it, this pattern is YEARS OLD, how do I break it when I'm n0t the 1 in the driver's seat?? This sucks to know end. Maybe I should accept my doomed existance as my fate and just get on with it...