I've been in a form of intensive group therapy for the past 4 months that ended up extending and becoming less well formed and down to one day a week. In this time the group has become solely about one person and the rest of us resenting this one person - until your's truly lost it in there.
This was week 2 since my blow out and i had another one when i upheld a new rule and the rule was not accepted by the one usurping the group. I ran out when things turned sour and heard that another individual "held my back" and started in where I left off. Needless to say things are very rocky at the moment. We only have one or two groups left and i can just guess what we'll be spending them on.... I am so sick of having group be about the usurper and the T not getting that this is happening.
SO! being the squeeky wheel that I am, I wrote a letter. But i've not sent it yet - I am taking my time, going over it, wanting to be really SURE that I want to send it. At this point I am addressing it to the Group T, My T, the Usurper, and the gal that had my back....
I'd like to post it here and recieve helpful feedback from it, positive ways i can reconstruct, and so forth. And thanks...

"Dear T, Group T, L, and M,

I have spent the entire weekend thinking about this (try as I might to forget it), combining the things I have learned through this group, from GT's supportive comments to me, from checking in with T that evening after the latest upset, and from my closest friends' comments. There are some ideas I have come to about why this is happening, and I think it imperative to share with us all (and T as she is my mentor and the clinical director).

PLEASE hear that I am NOT ATTACKING anyone. Not GT, not T, not L or M. NO one. I am still upset, but I think learning as well and it is not my intention to hurt (or further hurt) anyone.

T (who has been talking with me about this for several weeks now) keeps telling me that in a healthy group, upsets happen and group members tell each other more honestly the things that come up for them. Yay - we're "healthy". T also tells me "A good group leader, which GT is, knows that they are not there to control the group." But how can we all know this if we are not told? I've been told - and I've repeated it in group, but to no avail. We had a very good group where GT had us each find our "check point" and then held us to that check point. It was a big growing moment, and felt "safe" to me. This was the group after I had my first emotional outburst (which is why I am writing this rather than trying to say this in group since we've all seen my effectiveness at speaking).

Here is the key point I would like to make and have heard: We, the group members, do not have all the skills. That is why we are stuck. That is why we are in *intensive* group therapy for "Those Who Are Stuck". Why then would we be expected to marshall ourselves? If we did not have parents who were able to convey these ideas to us (i speak for myself and perhaps others) then we look to the therapist as The Parent. Being a therapist is part therapy, part parent. The therapist is conveying to us the skills that we need that we didn't get. And yet, as in my own biological family, here I have stepped into the parenting role; marshalling the group, holding us accountable, maintaining the rules, and working to make sure that all in the group have a voice. I am confused to whether or not this is supposed to be my job. Or for that matter, (the person)'s who stepped in and held my back.

Do you see? If GT is not marshalling us, leading us, or holding the rules; and T (as clinical director) is not having a conversation with GT about telling us what roles are ours vs. hers (after all, I *do* bring this up week after week) and T maintains that Good Group Leaders do not control the group, and GT doesn't tell us this, the group has no way to know.
It is replaying out old patterns.
It sets up confusion where the "heads" (teachers, leaders, therapists, parents) do not give parameters.
It sets up the stage for me (i really want to say others, but I am learning to make "I statements") to once again step into the role of Teacher, Parent, Rule Regulator. My emotions want to throw all this at (the usurper) - BUT that is NOT fair! (the usurper) really isn't the cause - is just being (self). I am being me. We are merely filling the roles we know when our community will not set them up. If we are not taught otherwise, nor assisted to be held to our check points, then we have no alternative but to act out what we know. It is my opinion that we NEED GT or T through GT (or i, reminding you both, being the squeeky wheel once more) to inform us how to be; what our roles as group members are. Do we regulate it ourselves? Do we keep each other accountable? Do we monitor time for each other? Or should these in fact be the roles of GT? These are questions being asked by several of us each of the past few weeks, but I do not feel a firm grounding. Yet each week we're supposed to make "group rules". But when some get made, they are not being upheld by all present -and then people are upset.
The community has to help us help each other out. In my line of work (teaching), if I see another teacher struggling with something and I do not step in when I can see how this situation might be assisted, then I am doing us all a dis-service, yes? The teacher suffers, the students suffer, and in turn the school community suffers. This is a community clinic.... I guess I am stating my own expectations that this isn't my job to fix this. In my example, L, M and I are the "students". This is above and beyond us. We do not need to be caught in this situation when the "teachers" can surely put their heads together and form a solution - thus teaching us how to solve problems along the way. Yes?"

Ok that's all i have at this point... and thank you all in advance for positive feedback on how i can be heard in this situation. It really sucks to have to be the one to tell the Ts how to do this. But then again, GT always says "I can't give you what you need if you don't tell me". So, I guess I'm telling her...