it is not natural to live this way

i feel like everything i know about life is false meaningless

i have no purpose no life

my whole identity is false and destroyed

i dont know anything anymore

i cant be around my kids anymore because i dont trust what i am doing and am too scared to raise them and take care of them

I forget how to live

This fear has made me so lazy

I don't feel connected to anyone

I can't wake up all alone in this silence with nothing to do and the problem is I don't want to do anything because knowing about aging and dying

It all seems useless

I have nothing to offer my kids or anyone

I can't envision a safe future so how can I give them anything

This all seems pointless

I don't live normally or automatic, I have to think about every single thing I am doing, everything every second is thought out, like ok, I am getting out of bed, I am brushing my teeth, I am getting a drink

My mind is so oversensitive and aware of everything

no one understands that I just cannot live anymore

everything is destroyed

my world is shattered

I have no life and I cannot rebuild it because of these fears and depression

it is impossible