Many of you know that for a long time I was in a place where I had no family and no friends anywhere near me. You guys also know that I have moved back home where I grew up. Here I have many people around that care greatly. Obviously my family, but I've got several very long time friends here. People I've been friends with since junior high and high school. What I've noticed is that sometimes I'm not comfortable around these people. I mean, these are the people who know my most intimate secrets and yet I find myself once in a while making excuses as to why I can't come out with them or why I need to go home early. My group of friends is one that likes to spend a lot of time together... kinds like the TV show Friends. I'm the one apple that tends to be alone a lot though and through no fault of theirs. I get a call or a text almost daily from one or more of them asking if I'd like to do something... even if it's just to come over and watch T V. Good people they are. I've noticed that as time goes on, I find myself making excuses less and less but it still bothers me. And I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I was forced to spend som uch time alone when I was in Michigan. I have to say that these people are great. They all know what I've been through... illnesses, abuse, relationships, etc. They never get their feelings hurt when I brush them off. They just give me space and let me come around when I'm ok with it. When I miss a "gathering", I usually get a phone call just to check on me. And they always let me know thet I'm welcome when I'm up to it. I just feel badly because even though they are so wonderful to me, I sometimes keep them at arms length. I don't really know what I'm getting at here. Just had some thought on my mind that I wanted to share. Thanks for reading.

Ry