I really appreciate this question and wish I had some answers. I think that T and lots of people hate me for not coping when supposedly I could.

I don't believe that I deserve any better.
I don't believe that I am of any value.
I want someone to show me that I'm worth something, because nobody ever did.
Even if some people tried, something inside me blocks it from getting through.
Sometimes I just don't care about coping.
Deep down, I really don't think that the things I know as better ways to cope will really work for me.
I'm afraid to find out that I'm right, and nothing ever will work.
People keep hurting me and devaluing me and invalidating me, and I just keep getting more sensitive to it and more fragile. My trauma threshold gets lower and lower, and I want them to see how they are destroying me in hopes that maybe they will stop.
Maybe all there is is pain and hurt, and if I started coping, I wouldn't exist.