I was raised to be 'the lady'. I have a twin who was our mother's favorite. She has a very dominant, self serving personality. Her absolute lack of empathy and awareness is literally shocking to me at times. I'm proud of my compassionate nature and selfless demeanor. However, it's not serving me as an adult. How does one turn that around. I was very specifically raised to put myself last and least. I was a caregiver for a disabled 15 yr old for two months. They were a very happy two months. I was good, very good. When I was in the room, she'd be calm. If she went to long without me, she could become violent. I believe she knew somehow that I really put her first when I was there. In spite of being mentally and physically disabled, she felt how much I cared. I'm really proud of this aspect of my personality. But, I'm way to passive. I've been without work for two years except for those two months. My yielding nature works against me in 'the real world'. I don't defend myself like I should. I yield completely when I should firmly stand up for myself. When I get angry, I cry, helplessly. I can't afford counselling but I have to get this under control. It bothers me that this passivity is a fault. What is a loving nature in a family becomes a door mat in a business environment. Help. Does anyone have any insight on this topic? I am dependent on family. They need me to grow a backbone and it's what I want too.