Jexa, are you doing it because of how angry you are with your T for leaving you? I've never SI'd but I have other ways of not coping well. I eat out of frustration, anger, and pain. Or when I obsess about therapy or something else. It doesn't seem like I am CHOOSING the unhealthy behavior. It seems like I don't have a choice. I know that's a cop-out, but that's what not coping well feels like to me. It's a compulsion, not a choice.