What you are doing is what comes naturally to you. If derive pleasure from and have been doing it "for a while" then enjoy it. If at some point you want to try having sex with a woman, then try that. But it's obvious that you, at least at this point in your life want to be with men. Well at least want to continue masturbating while looking at men. I don't blame you It can be a lot of fun! It's very simple really you find men sexy. That's all.

Your feeling are normal. Your image of what a gay man should be may be a little misguided. We come in all shapes, sizes and behaviors. We don't all like to dress up in dresses or wear make up or are beefy and muscular or geeky or leather men, and so on and so on...

I haven't met many men that are the same, some are finance, some government worker, other janitors, office manager, football and baseball and my favorite, rugby players, doctors, you name a gay man is probably in there somewhere.

I feel you question is whether or not you are gay. You're confused because you may prefer men to women. If indeed you feel that you are committing a sin, then there's your problem. I don't believe for a second that God feels being gay is wrong, that my friend, is a construct of men. Not of God. May I suggest you see someone other than clergy to talk to about this.

You are still attracted to men. You could try as you might, little by little to push it down into your subconscious, but at this it sounds more like you are convincing yourself that you are going to be with women to avoid hell.

Personally, I think it's a bad plan, but good luck with that one. Listen sex with another man is not a sin, in fact, many men and women that have trying to become ex-gays through the religious route, fail eventually.

If indeed you like both men and women, then you may be bisexual. But from what I have read, it sounds like you lean toward men, and are uncomfortable with the "idea" of being gay. I don't know what your situation is in your personal life.

But there are many men, who have had limited exposure to the gay world and way too much exposure to the images in the media. Very few of us are like Jack on "Will and Grace", and understand that if and when you decide to be yourself, and that person may be someone who prefers men. You will find that as long as you become accepting of it, you will be fine. You will be able to believe in your God, love God as He loves you and as He made you.

Your not going to hell. But at this point in your life, the sexual conflict going on in you must sure feel like hell. Take a deep breath, go talk with a therapist, try to figure this out without the guilt trip, stay clean, and enjoy your gay, bi, whatever life. Don't go into the straight world because you think, not feel, because you THINK you have to. Many marriages fail because of this and then everyone is hurt and feels they have lost everything. Be careful about this is all I say.

Good luck,
sunnyclouds