Hi. I'm new. I'm glad to have found this site.

I have to be honest with you all to ask for your help so I'll hope you'll not condemn me right of the bat. I'm in alot of pain.

I've lost my best friend over the last few months and all attempts by me to get her back in my life have failed. I'm really at wit's end, and have no idea how to get over this pain and depression. I don't know why she ended our friendship, and she won't return my calls and emails.

We met over four years ago in a night class. The friendship wa casual at first and then went deeper as we told each other our deepest wishes, hopes and pains.

I know this might follow a cliched format from here . . .but please stick with me. The biggest source of pain in my life was, and still is, other than this new pain, my very poor marriage. I've been married for 19 years but our children are very young.

I guess I'd claim unhappiness in my marriage due to my wife's overwhelming materialism which is then linked to her pessimism. I'd say she's depressed. The most overt sign of my wife's problem is uncontrolable rage which is usually vented at me. It's been really bad for about 7 years now.

All attempts at marriage counseling have been unsuccessful because my wife is certain that if I just made enough money so that she could buy whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, and could get a cleaner, cook and nanny for the kids . . . .then she'd be happy. It's really her upbringing and the model her parents showed her. For some reason it took about 12 years, or when kids arrived on the scene for me to really start feeling the pain of this life-style.

So my friend gave me emotional support. She let me know that I was a good enough husband, father, and man. God, I can't tell you how good that was to feel that way. To HEAR those words, especially from a woman.

I should also throw in that I'm not prepared to leave my marriage and surrender 99% of control of my kids (day-to-day) to my wife.

For two years the friendship kept me going emotionally, mentally, spritually. And my friends actually became kinda friends with my wife over this time too. I became friends with her husband.

She always claimed to have a very good marriage and that's why it was hard for me to understand why she began making sexual advances towards me about two years ago.

I ignored them at first, but as a man who was only finding his wife in the mood for love making about once every 4 to 6 months, I realize that I was very susceptible.

One night, after class, after a long talk, she asked for a hug. I hugged her and she turned her mouth for a kiss, and I started kissing her. I just let it all go.

I resisted escalating this for awhile fooling myself that someone my salvation was fine as long as it was "just kissing" or "just fondling" but I wasn't fooling anyone but myself. In my heart I already knew that I loved this woman.

She also professed her love for me. Many times. I'd ask her how she reconciled her life with her husband and children with me and she said she just could. I eventually warned her, that given my home life, that I was very much in love with her and NEEDED her. She liked that, and encouraged that.

We made love about 6 times before I realized that the physical had to stop. She was coming to this conclusion too. Me, because I wanted to keep a home-life in tact for my kids. Her, for the same reason plus her love love for her husband. And while the thought didn't stop us in the first place, it was just very, very wrong.

The stopping of the sexual part of us I know was a mutual decision. It truly was. More than anything, I needed for her to remain mt best friend. For the better part of a year, it seemed like we were maintaining just such a relationship.

About seven months ago my wife had a rage incident involving my friend and some others. While my wife apologized, thing were different. My friend also came under alot of stress and her pattern was always to withdraw a little under stress.

But she always came back. This time she just kept pulling away. As I pressed for a lunch (we work less than half a mile away) or a talk on the phone, she started being unavailable.

About a month ago I really pressed for a get together (lunch) and she responded by saying she could no longer be my friend. That I needed something she couldn't give. I replied that all I wanted was an occassional lunch and to be able to chat once in awhile. That the friendship was an important sourse of strength for me. I asked (begged) for her not to take that away.

I haven't heard from her since then.

I'm dying inside, and I'd say ten minutes don't go by in each day where I'm not thinking about her and the deep friendship we shared. It meant EVERYTHING to me. How could it, how could I, mean nothing to her?

Please someone help me! Any ideas how to get my best friend back? I'll take any sort of relationship now, ANY! As long as I can occassionally see her and talk to her! Please help me! I've never been this out of control with my thoughts and emotions before.

Thanks,

MMF