I woke up today feeling extremely bad; I'm so afraid right now, about everything going on in my life that is looming over me. I wish I could just roll up into a ball & hide under the covers in bed or just hibernate for awhile--find some way to get rid of these feelings of fear, pain, sadness, & failure.

Even though I got lots of sleep last night, I'm still so tired. How am I supposed to start functioning at a job again tomorrow when I have so little energy? I'm always so foggy in my brain.

I'm feeling sick to my stomach have the day due to sinus drainage, my hips, foot, & one shoulder hurts all the time. Joint problems--why?

Yesterday, I had to go to an adoption event for a dog I'm fostering, and usually I enjoy such events. Yesterday, I felt like I was kind of underwater or something the entire time. I put up a good front--no one asked me what was wrong or why I was sad. Only my husband, who went with me, knew how I really felt inside.

Then I had to spend an hour on the phone with my mortgage company trying to get all my paperwork straightened out so that I don't lose my home. I had another person on the phone with me from a non-profit that helps people in my situation listening & she was amazed at how poorly my mortgage company handles things. I finally got everything done, then they call me again today hounding me for money!

I had two pet-sitting jobs yesterday, which I usually enjoy. I love animals. But I just went through the motions, not really feeling much of anything about it, nothing positive. Just dull.

Now, in less than 24 hours, I'm supposed to be at a new job. The idea makes me cry! I should be so happy to have finally found work...but I feel totally the opposite. Why? I don't get it.

I really just don't feel right anymore. I wish I felt more upbeat & positive for my husband's sake, he's trying so hard to understand & be supportive. I feel like such a failure.

Kim/Tangodream