|
Aug 15, 2010, 11:34 AM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 98
|
|
dps and all within
I sure do seem to make you cry a lot. It wasn't my intention. I was just trying to answer your question. Still, if you think about it: It wasn't all that long ago that you weren't able to do that, so I guess it's a good thing.
By the way, judging by the length of your posts: You are either a very fast typer or you're spending too much time sitting at your computer. If you are good to your back it will feel much better in another month or so. If not, it will take longer to heal and end up bothering you for a lot longer...... If you treat yourself better, you'll feel better about yourself. 
Now..... As for your question: "Are you sent by them?". You should have put a trigger warning on that sentence. Before I knew it, my little avatar had tipped back his hat, blew the dust of his six shooter and typed a bunch of stuff..... Yikes!! After a reread the eyes of conscience said: Hold your horses, you can't post that. And so began a week of typing and editing and deleting. I told Muffy once: Sometimes I think: I think too much. Sometimes I tell people things that they're not ready to hear. I understand your sense of suspicion what with your past and all. And really, who the heck am I anyhow. I wrote a lot of stuff trying to state my position, but in the end it's all just words. I finally settled on a compromise. This the chorus of an old song by Rush. The lyrics were written by Neil, whom I spoke of before. It goes like this,
You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose freewill
Nobody sends me.... anywhere. Ask nicely and then I will decide whether or not to accommodate. I don't think that your family are the type of people who know how to ask nicely. Beside that, I don't think I would get along very well at all with "them".  in the future, I would appreciate not being mentioned in the same sentence as "them".
For a better understanding of me. "You can come back and read this whenever the shadow of doubt falls over my avatar"
If you remember that Moody Blues song that I sent you "Watching and Waiting". The chorus reads like this.
Cos here there's lot of room for doing
The thing you've always been denied
Look and gather all you want to
There's no one here to stop you trying
To me: this is not story or fantasy, this is a state of mind. This is where I live. My perceptions are not tainted by religion... of any kind. Not to say that I don't share the same ideals as a certain guy with a mustard seed. I can't explain it to someone who doesn't understand. But I'll say this: Understanding grows if the will is there to do so. Like the mustard seed, understanding will grow to overcome all doubt. People like "them" can't exist in the world of my friends. Understanding is all around. Empathic eyes are everywhere. The eyes of my friends don't spend time avoiding the glance. They watch and they protect. It's hard to hide your problems here. Somebody always notices. Then come the words: Are you alright? Something is bothering you. I can see it in your eyes. These eyes are able to see right through the mask of deception that "them" tend to use to gain the confidence and control over the vulnerable. These people, my friends, come from diverse backgrounds, different races, ethnic and religious backgrounds, some have turned their backs on religion completely, corruption touches everyone. but there is a common thread links us all. Can't explain it. But I can see it, it shows in their eyes. These people are the "White" in the poem "Black and White".
About love.
When love is used,,,, that's not love. That's the lie that you and many others were brought up to believe as truth. How does one torture somebody they love? They don't... Can't happen.... period. Abusers are users, they take advantage of the innocent. They use their victims love as a tool to manipulate them. I've witnessed it and I've called it out. Back to "Black and White", some of that poem is based on my own personal experience. I look them right in the eyes. Darkness may consume..... but light overwhelms. To someone who can't understand that I suppose it can be quite confusing. But there's no confusing when opposites meet.
I understand that this is all very new to you. It's hard for me to fathom that. I have always been surrounded by kind caring people. When I was so scared after that robbery happened and the fallout that came after. There was always someone there for me. I could never let them in, but they always let me know that they were there.
This thing that keeps holding you down and pulling you back. I think I'd call it. Living in the shadow of doubt. It's the shadow that they veiled you with. If you doubt yourself you tend be more obedient. Make less waives.... Cold heartless empty people.
So.... Call me curious.... Call me a dreamer.... Call me what you will. I've shone my little light in some very dark places. Sometimes there's just nothing to see but empty hopelessness. So sad. Sometimes the shadows turn there backs in guilt and shame, but where there's notice, there is hope. Sometimes the light catches something shiny and a little light reflects back. Sometimes I find a sparkling treasure..... Muffy is a treasure. You told me that you didn't understand when I asked you to read that poem I wrote about her. As understanding grows you will come to realize just how much light is written into the words that she wrote. Phoenix7 is a treasure too, probably if she reads this she'll deny it and then go hide under her blankets, but her sparkle shows through. She's just having a little trouble adjusting to her new found emotions right now. There are many others here too, but don't just take my word for it....
Oh, How about this?
Quote:
"The secrets we hide
Of the dark purple kind
Hold onto the hope
That love we will find.
"
That is where I choked up...it has been a while since I have had to hold back tears...love so fleeting, desired , yet disappears without ever coming...I dunno, DPS you are a gift, and your gift to us is you. Take care always
|
Hmm..... Seems as though somebody has been shining her little light (which she says she doesn't have  ) around without even realizing it...  …..Oops
Oh..... and look at that.... You almost made them cry........ holder_of _ the_dove almost became....... holder_of_ the_tissues....  ….Sweet!
Think maybe it's contagious???
Watch out... It could be the start of a tearidemic!!!
Tears are cleansing... but laughter is always the best medicine. 
About this verse
To give back to those
Who walk here and care
The love that is hidden
We someday will share.
You can't give it back.... HaHa you're stuck with it. 
You can share it, and you can pass it along. That's how love grows. But you can't give it back. That would be like returning a gift.... Bad form. Remember what I wrote about Kathy and the unsigned gift? The reward is in the giving. Each time you share or pass along that gift it reflects back on your inspirations as well as you. So to answer the question unasked.......Why? Each time I see you relate to and inspire someone else it makes me feel good, because I know that I had a little something to do with that. Don't look for a deeper meaning, or hidden agenda.... that's it, that's all there is. That's all there was for those who inspired me.
A little Neil story..... Hope he doesn't mind. 
I made a comment to Jackie once while I was working at their house. There seemed to be an endless stream of people coming there and asking for stuff, like tickets, or memorabilia,....... money. I'm sure that some of them were there just so they could go back to their friends and say: Guess where I was.... oh ya, I'm so cool.  Anyway, I was getting a little ticked off myself... as though it was any of my business. I just saw some of these people as abusive... in a very subtle way, like taking advantage. So I said to Jackie: It must be hard to deal with all of this (Neil was on the road at the time). Before I could say anything else she had turned on a dime and asked: You know the guy who'd give you the shirt off his back? That's Neil. He was giving it away before he had anything to give. If I turn anybody away, I'll be the one that hears about. Well she certainly shut my mouth in a hurry. Still not sure if it was the statement she made or the look that came with it. You see.... Neil gives freely and asks nothing in return. That's love. That's the way he lives his life.
So.... you can't give it back, however, you can feel warm thoughts and reminisce. There is an old song that plays on mind from time to time. It brings back memories of those passed and those who have simply fallen out of touch, who's hearts have lit my path through out the years.
Perhaps it can work for you too. I'm sure that there are people here that would listen to it and think of you.
Hope I haven't kept you sitting for too long.
|