Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
....The reason why I used the word "choose" was because I didn't even want to hear T suggest other ways to cope. She was trying to say thing like, "Did you try to distract yourself? Maybe you could cook something the next time you feel that way / sew / go on a walk?" .... I don't want to hear about tools I could use to distract myself. I don't want to hear about ways to cope with urges. So that must mean I'm choosing to do this....
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Well, you did listen, and you heard her because you can write out what she suggested.
When I'm emotionally tapped out, I sometimes don't have the energy for the "good" choice. I'm not choosing, I'm just going with the good old default, the standard way vs. one of these new ways. So, off to bed with ice cream. No energy for a walk or yoga or journaling. The bigger problem is no energy for making dinner for the kids or grocery shopping.
Less-than-optimal coping skills don't often work for the long term - in my case they start to interfere with the life I have and the life I want -- but you really have to practice, practice, practice and be really committed to making the change - you almost have to formally reject the old ways, set up a rewards system for using the new ways (star chart!). You can set a goal for a week - delay responding to your pain with your standard coping method by 5-10 minutes. So, you go and scrub the tub or start a load of laundry or send an email or read a few web comics. Then check your pain level.
So, I try to put off using the default method for a few hours, so I can go to the store and cook the dinner and help with the baths. By the time I've delayed the old coping strategy for another 2-3 hr, then often I just go to bed with the journal or talk on the phone. Or eat some ice cream at the table from a bowl
