(((jexa)))) I am sorry you lost your therapist in the middle of the work you want to do. I know how that feels to have your progress cut off.

It took me years to finally go for some therapy and like you it was working well until the day he said he was taking a leave of absense for a year because he was adopting a child. I put on a happy face for him but inside it was those same old abandonment issues eating me up. Here we go again. Of course you are leaving.

Same with family doctors. I have had 4 doctors in fewer years. I would just get to a place where I thought I could trust them with my story and ask for help to treat the bi polar and they would be gone. The news of their departure would hit me like a brick.

With each change of doctors by default I would choose to not cope well in the sense that I would choose to clam up again about the bi polar when I met a new doc. Putting my treatment and potential recovery on hold once again. I would limit appointment visits to thyroid checkups but never bring up the bi polar. When one replacement asked about the Effexor and Seroquel that were listed in my records I just said I wasn't taking them anymore and brushed off any further probbing.

My last doctor was special. I finally got the courage to bring up the bi polar with him and he was amazing. He knew so much about it and he was really gentle with me. We had only just begun to put a plan together when he left. He even managed to ease my fears of meds enough to include them in the treatment plan but we didn't get very far before he was gone.

So what do I do? I think I have two choices. I can default into silence again when I see the new doc next week for a thyroid check. This would be my norm. I can justify it easily enough. I've been doing it for a lifetime.

The alternative would be to not waste anymore time with my excuses and fears and talk about the bi polar with this new doctor sooner rather then later. Find out from the get go what this doc knows and if he isn't qualified to treat the bi polar then get a referal to a specialist.

I think I need to decide to walk through the fear and doubts and do the right thing. Make the right choose for me now not sometime down the road if and when the stars are alligned and he is wearing the right coloured tie and his hair is combed to the right and......

What do you do now Jexa.... I think like me you find another T and you get on with the work. You are motivated not to loose time or momentum so run with that. People move on. We get left behind. Its not abandoned. Its not personal. It happens. We keep on keepin on. It may take some work to find another therapist but another therapist can be found. Maybe your current T can recommend someone. The next T could be the one who guides you to the breakthrough you are looking for. Changing T's could be the best thing that ever happened to you. You don't know what the future holds. Just try not to let your past and the fears in you that were planted in your past hold you back from walking into your future.

Make the choose that will advance your goals. Trust your own fearlessness.