I think the definition of feminism can really vary. I've known some radical feminists who are truly anti-male. They think less of them and show it too. These may (I hope) be the types of feminists who piss off your ex.

Then there are the feminists who just don't hold the archaic views that women should be limited to certain positions in their private lives, at work, etc. An active feminist may try to push these views and fight inequality - both in life and community. A passive one might believe it, but not really take it up as a cause. I like to think that most people around are feminists to some degree, although in my area, I know that's sadly untrue.

I've also met a ton of women who walk the border between radical and regular feminism. And, oddly enough, a lot of them actually seem to hold some very old school values which I personally believe are counter to feminist thinking. For instance, I see a lot of women who think it's okay to beat up on their boyfriends/husbands. But the thinking behind these actions is usually that since men are stronger and in more control of their emotions, that it's okay to use them as whipping boys. Although I certainly acknowledge the physiological differences between men and women, I think of this as abuse, and it strangely seems to be based on a concept of male superiority.

Thus, it seems to me that a lot of people hold beliefs in all three categories of feminist thinking. Some radical, some regular, and some downright misogynistic. But since I personally know some men (and even women) in my area who don't believe a woman should be allowed to work, I might draw the lines on feminist thinking at a level a bit lower than most. And I like to think most men and women in this country have at least some minor feminist views.