Sounds like he is in control and there is conflict and you feel like it is all "uphill" meaning you really are having to work on it...there is danger that you are aware of but not heeding. It causes you to fall.
Maybe you are being pushed into something you are not ready for or not in agreement with. Maybe there are major red flags in the relationship/ or with him and you are conflicted...but you feel that he is in control.
Maybe you are just afraid of relationships?
I hope you figure it out and find a peaceful solution.
Something that gives YOU peace. Much support and safe hugs...