I know I need to see a P-doc, but by starting a new job tomorrow, it is going to be hard to immediately ask for time off from work so I can go to the various doctors & a dentist without risking losing the job. The job is at a small company in the USA, one small enough not to be covered by certain laws that protect people when they or a family member gets ill.

My husband would stay with me 24/7 if he could, but he can't. My brother is too involved in his own life, my father & I are not very close, & my sister has her own maritial, emotional, & physical problems right now that are tearing her life apart. My mother is dead. No one can has with me 24/7, expect my step-kids, and I can't do that to them!

I kind of figured out how I'd end my life when I had my first breakdown when I was 19 years old. I've had that stuck in my head since then, somewhere in the deep shadowns in good times & right in front of me in the bad times.

My husband says my health comes first--he keeps offering to work a 2nd job so I don't have to work. He works 12 hours a day outside in a rail yard four or five days a week unsually...yet he'd do that for me. I said back to him, you're health is important too & you can't do that.

Why does life have to be so crazy?

Kim