Life has been... "interesting" since I decided to mess with my medications on my own a couple of weeks ago. For the first week I felt better, but I've been growing increasingly distractable and antisocial. This morning all of my sensory inputs seemed to be "off" in a very frightening way, and I ended up in the panic attack of a lifetime. I really felt like I was completely losing my mind. Thanks to some clonazepam, I'm now feeling much better, but I am sad. Very sad. I had hoped that I wouldn't need mood stabilizers (or any medications) any more, but after the mini semi-psychotic experience I had at church this morning (something totally new for me), I'm forced to accept that perhaps I really am bipolar, and I really do need medications. I'm terrified that the scary perceptual disturbances will return tomorrow once the clonazepam has worn off. I know... it's time for me to go crawling back to my psychiatrist. I'll call his office in the morning. But for now, what I really need is a warm, non-judgmental hug...