I will tell you what my therapist told me when I was having the same feelings of need for a friend that I could not have. Your friend was taking the place of the intimacy you found lacking with your wife. I am not talking sexual intamacy but emotional intamacy. As long as you focus this energy on your friend you will have no reason to improve relations with your wife. It is hard letting go of a friendship that made you feel so good. It kinda feels like losing a part of yourself. At least it did for me. I still have time that I want to contact my friend. My T has taught me to use these feelings as a gauge of how I am feeling in my marital relationship. The stronger the desire the more I need to look at what is wrong at home.

Yes, I understand that your wife is difficult. I don't think that marriage counsoling would be benificial at this time but she really should see someone on her own to find the source of her rage. It wouldn't hurt for you to go in on your own to get support for your loss of a close relationship and for the trials ahead of you with your wife. Eventually you will both reach a space where you will be able to talk, then marital counciling will be a very good thing.

Take care,
You can get through this,
Zen<font color=blue>

Deal with the difficult while it is still easy. Solve large problems when they are still small. Preventing large problems by taking small steps is easier the solving them. Therefore, the Tao person anticipates and lives wisely, by small actions accomplishing great things.--From the Tao Te Ching