I have felt alone all day. I physically have not been. And to a certain degree emotionally either. I do feel the conversation aspect with my guy has been lacking extremely today. I have been reaching out trying to talk receiving minimal responses. I am hating being in seperate towns and not having close contact. Its making me feel very lonely and sad. I don't know if this long distance thing is going to work. My last relationship was long distance and it took its toll on me. It was very hard. I'm wondering if I can do it again. I'm not so sure I can. I have already gone back and forth with the whole being in a relationship and being single. Certain times its the greatest thing and other times I am so unsure. I am sad. I am depressed and am not near anyone that cares. I am lonely. It is not possible for me to just go over or for him to just come over I guess I need a friend. I am away from everyone right now. My mind isn't clear. I would love to have the company of my new beau. It just isn't possible at the moment and it won't always be when I need it. I need to accept that too. I have always needed to accept that at times it is just me. Funny thing is its always just me. Never is anyone around when I need them. When I'm feeling fine they are there. Or so it seems. Maybe they aren't. I am a bit confused as to what I even really need. Is it someone to talk to is it physical contact. Maybe I do want to be alone. Maybe I choose to isolate myself. I don't know there is so much. I want to talk to my guy so much right now but it is not possible. Being in another town I don't even really know when I get to. Contact is so minimal. I know this is full of contradictions. I'm a bit lost. I keep thinking that if I can't have the contact that there may never be a way for me to really talk. If we barely talk now what are we really. Maybe I'm not even in a relationship and its all in my head. But even that reality could all be in my head. Don't know right now. Lost and sad