ok some rule of thumb ideas/ suggestions we use here for people not yet in treatment. they are not etched in stone but can help some people. pick choose or try what best suits you and your system.

If you are a host and have the ability to remain grounded then do for as long as you possibly can. Dissociating is not wrong or taboo but the more you do it the more it complicates your life and problems and can cause more problems that may be harmful in the long run.

alternatives to dissociating - breathing, if possible excuse yourself for a few moments so you can calm yourself down, get a drink of water, wash your face.. do anything else you feel is calming to you.

if you are an alter and you are the one in control at the moment then the host has already dissociated (other words for this is the host has "left" has "gone to sleep" "is not here right now").

a hosts system of alters is what ever the host needs it to be in order to survive, so there is an alter for every situation that may cause the host to dissociate.

every alter has a job to do. some cry, some work, some socialize some get angry, some have fun, the list is endless and depends on what each host needed in order to survive.

take a few moments to breath
close your eyes and listen to what is going on inside.
ask if there is someone inside that can help you with the problem.
ask if someone else inside can take over while you take a break.

usually what happens is the alter that is able to handle the triggering problem will tell the alter in charge at the moment how to deal with the problem or the alter capable of dealing with the problem will automatically come forwards and take care of the problem.

If another alter has not taken over and has not told you how to handle the situation then most likely you are the alter that has the knowledge and capability to handle the problem. this can also be why some alter can retain control despite the urges to dissociate.

then we give them a list of free to low income costing services in the area. you can get these by calling mental health places and asking them if they have free or low costing services for therapy. churches are great places for this, so are crisis centers, county mental health and planned parent hood.