Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
I don't think so elliemay! It isn't that he wants you to "fix" it, but the maladaptive coping technique isn't the problem! He wants to hear about the problem, not the way you "cope" with the problem. If you deal with and solve the problem itself, the coping won't be necessary!
If I'm an ostrich and a lion shows up and I decide to cope by putting my head in the sand (maladaptive :-) then talking about putting my head in the sand misses the point of the whole thing? How you don't cope well, misses the actual lion part.
What I learned to do about physical coping/not coping, eating, etc. is to put all that on hold for a bit. Nothing is going to get better/worse for awhile if I use lousy coping methods (so they're okay to keep using for a bit); I've used those methods in the past and tackling the method doesn't work. So, I turn to the actual problem, the abandonment situation ("You left me and went away for two weeks, you dirty rat" :-) I think that's what he wants to hear about, how you feel about his and other important people coming/going, ("I trusted you to be here when I needed you and you want away") and trust, etc. The real McCoy!
Yes, I would go to therapy and see what's what.
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I love that ostrich and lion analogy. No you wouldn't talk to the ostrich about how deep they put their head in the sand, or what kind of sand, or the prime location to put their head in the sand..... One would worry about the lion.
However, I wouldn't say "hey ostrich, it's so simple, just don't stick your head in the sand. I'm leaving for two weeks, and when I come back, I'd better not hear that you put you head in the sand."
Sigh.
I know I should go, but it's more crap that I have to deal with. More stuff to absorb and cope with.
I've started to view it more like a child that won't eat. When I'm hungry, I'll eat and my therapist can just deal with it.
Oh, who am I kidding, I will likely go.
