Quote:
Originally Posted by elliemay
I also know that this is the first major rupture that we couldn't resolve in a relatively short amount of time.
And it's a big one to me. Regardless of the reality of the situation, I feel like he told me to just "shut up, and you'd better behave yourself while I am gone."
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Ack. I just remembered a couple of months ago before T left for a vacation, we had a ginormous rupture. I had some yucky CSA flashbacks the night before my session, I went in all shook up and just wanted help getting back to being okay NOW, and T didn't want to hear about it. He had his own agenda, and he was hell-bent on talking about THAT. Just like you, I felt like he told me to shut up. Ugh.
We did manage to connect on the phone before he left, and I was able to tell him how I felt (which involved a LOT of crying and anger) and in the end, he apologized, but it felt SO undone. And then he was off for 10 days.
It is HARD to sit with a rupture for that long. For me, since the apology happened before he left, I did have some time to come to terms with all of it while he was gone - it stinks that you are still basically in the "this just happened!" part of the rupture.
I don't know. When T and I have a rupture, I think about the fact that if I wasn't in therapy, I might feel OKAY right now...because I wouldn't BE in this rupture, which feels so awful and crappy. And even though I *know* from experience that the ruptures always make the relationship stronger in the end, NOTHING in the world feels "right" until there is a resolution.
I'm sorry you've had to sit with this for so long. When is your session?
