I am falling apart

I have no support no life no one around

I feel terrified of dying and aging

I can feel myself as older 40, 45, up to 80 and I know I won't be able to handle it

i am too aware of my age and my looks and my body

I feel myself dying and I expect it in every single second everything I do

I am a very tough case and I know there is no solution otherwise she would not have dropped me

she was only my pdoc but is a therapist too and she was very good but I feel completely abandoned by EVERYONE even my parents who just ignore me now

no one understands and no one gives me comfort

I feel so strange in my body all the time and about my life since getting divorced, I feel like I am without an identity

I am so utterly terrified it is unbelieveable

I have a therapist but she is not great, I am scared of her because she just scolds me and makes me feel bad all the time

she also said that she has never seen anyone in her 30 years like me and I am the hardest case and she has never seen anyone try the least like me which is completely not true

I feel my life is just going to get worse

I am terrified of everything and I have no one