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Aug 16, 2010, 10:24 AM
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Member Since: Aug 2010
Location: east coast
Posts: 10
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Ughhhh I didn't sleep last night. I spent the whole time either in the bathroom picking at areas on my skin with tweezers (a terrible OCD compulsion) or just browsing the internet, listening to music. Now that it's 11 am, all I can do is think about how I need more Adderall and more marijuana. About a year and a half ago, at age 18, I was in rehab for opiate addiction. My habit was about 15 hydrocodone pills per day. I stayed sober about a month after rehab, then spent the next year relapsing and getting clean, relapsing and getting clean, over and over. Every time, the withdrawal process would get worse and harder to bear. But I'm glad for that honestly. It finally reached a point where I would do anything to escape the hell that is painkiller withdrawal.
So...skip to today. I take a LOT of Adderall. It started out as a low-dose Rx for ADD. My dose is still fairly low, but I pop those pills like M&Ms. Here's why I can't quit: every time I come down off of Adderall, I enter the most severe depression of my life. I get beyond suicidal, completely out of touch. I get intense separation anxiety from my boyfriend, and he really isn't able to go anywhere. I feel like a walking corpse who just wants to be lying dead.
I've gone through that 3 times, and never again. Besides Adderall, I smoke a lot of marijuana because it is the only thing that helps my anxiety. Please someone help me, tell me how to get off amphetamines without almost sacrificing their life like I did. 
~Darby
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