My brother put some pressure on me last week to call the doctor to see about some meds. He and the rest of my family are really worried about me and though they know there is no cure or a magic pill they think I could be doing better with meds.

It took me all week to psych myself up to make the call. Picked up the phone a dozen times but hung up before I could dial the number. Finally on Friday, 5 minutes before the office closed I called and scored an appointment for today. It was as though some devine intervention was operating because I usually have to wait a week or more for an appointment unless it is an emergency. The short turn around time meant I would be less likely to cancel because I would have less time to psych myself out of going.

I left with a script for some seroquel. A mild dose to start. I am nervous about taking it but it worked once before so I know what to expect. If I didn't take it in bed and fall asleep within 10 minute the rapid leg action is pretty aweful but if I did get to sleep right away I slept well and woke refreshed. Its just the rapid leg action that I worry about.

Like you I hate feeling incapable of things and maybe I am finally desperate enough to want functionality more then I want to continue catering to my fears. My stubborn refusal of treatment hasn't worked for me so I guess it is time to take the plunge and see what happens. I figure it can't be worse then what I have been dealing with up till now.

I would suggest picking up the phone sooner rather than later. Don't think. Just do. Just get it done.

I think our families are as desperate as we are to see us well. It pains them to see us suffer. I figure the least I can do is accommodate their requests even if I don't think it will make any difference. Who am I do argue given the limited success my self care has been up till now. If it makes my family feel better that I am working with the doc and accepting the meds then it makes me feel better to do that for them. Who knows maybe it will even work.

Wishing you well Mom. You are an awesome person and a wonderful mother. Feel the love and embrace the care your family gives to you. Breath deep and give yourself a big hug for courage. You are not alone.