Maybe also a look at your emotions or lack of emotions even with your husband......sorry, but sex with your husband should have a closeness, & bond that pulls both closer together.

There have been studies made about all the casual sex before marriage takes away the true feeling of sex between husband & wife.....sounds like you are a prime example of that being true.

Is that really how you want your marriage to be?

Maybe discussing your emotions & your value system might be an interesting place to start with your T. It's sad that you were only bothered when your friend reminded you with a reality check. You reality seems like it might be off a little bit from where most other people are coming from.....maybe it might also be something for you to look at & if that's really how you want to be?

Obviously your decision & your life, but when it's so far off that other people are pointing this out, you still have underlying values that exist even when you are drunk that define right from wrong even when covered up by alcolhol. Sounds like you need to do some self defining of your values. Does your husband understand your feelings or are you hiding them from him also?

Just many questions that my mind is wondering about?