thank you so much for your replies, all of you.

skeski, your analogy of taking the back roads vs the interstate really describes how I'm feeling. Thank you for validating that for me.

ok, this. This brought up a lot of feelings and helped me sort of narrow in on what I'm feeling. It's this: I don't have T forever. I don't have her indefinitely. I don't know how much longer I will have her, but the 2 year mark in my therapy is coming up and I suspect she is looking at that as a goal to be "done". The reason I fear that is that when I started with her, she said it's a 2 year program.

So. It triggered that abandonment. Because, she has told me a lot of times that she will see me through this, that she will go through this trauma work with me. But now that she's changing it, I wonder if her promise to see me through to the end still holds. If she's changing the game, do the same "rules" still apply?

Do you see? It all comes back to abandonment for me. Always. Everything. Abandonment.