Can I just say I absolutely hate being having this (Bipolar II) Of course its the 'less severe' kind but I HATE IT! I am so sick and tired of having to listen to everyone's opinions on how I should be treated for having this. The one that is really getting to me right now is that one of my first counselors (I started seeing him before I was diagnosed) accused me of wanting attention from counselors. Now I really don't know if I can or cannot trust my own feelings. To make a long story short-I had a suicide attempt in the summer of '08 while I was in counseling with the above counselor and was hospitalized. I ended counseling with him and started going to another one. My second one (who I am currently still seeing) is great. This last summer once again I was feeling extremely suicidal and would have went through with it if a friend had not of stood behind my car until the police arrived.

So my 2nd counselor was out of town for two weeks and he suggested I make an appointment with someone while he was gone just to have someone to check in with and so I set up one with my 1st counselor. So I went in and basically I just filled him in on what had been happening the last two years and the recent suicidal feelings were brought up. He didn't believe me one bit. All he kept asking was if I was sure I wasn't making this up to get the attention of counselors.

And now I am totally freaked out. If there is one thing in this world that drives me absolutely insane is people who "fake" emotions/mental illness to get a free ride in life. I'm sure everyone knows who I am talking about, the people who don't want to work and get on welfare or the ones who want certain things (like being allowed a pet in an apartment that doesn't allow them) and use mental illness to get those things. I DO NOT want to be one of those people. And now I'm all sorts of confused because I am doubting my own feelings. I know I wanted to end my life but did I over exaggerate it for attention? My psychiatrist diagnosed me as having Bipolar II, but then you hear about the 'overuse' of this diagnoses. Can I even trust what I feel anymore? I mean if a licenced mental health professional suspects I am faking this for attention, it means its true-right?

So either I am some really selfish person who wants a ton of attention for having a mental illness (because we all know the attention that comes with a diagnosis is SO much fun) or.....what? The thing is the mood stabilizers and everything that has been geared towards treating bipolar has helped. I am seriously considering going off my medication just to see how I would do. If I truly am bipolar things would get worse and if I'm just looking for some attention I will get better. I guess then I will truly know the truth once and for all.

I really needed to vent about this whole thing and see if anyone else has ever had this issue come up and what they did about it.