Zoo,

I'm sorry to hear your conversation with your t didn't go too well. I'm guessing that your t felt a bit frustrated because you'd told her that you didn't like the trauma work and it was too painful, but when she suggested a different, easier method, you were upset about doing that too. So now she is going back to plan 1 (the original trauma work).

What she may not be aware of is that part of you wants to do the trauma work, but part of you is frightened and is having a hard time dealing with the pain of it. Part of you would like to take a break from the trauma work, but part of you is afraid if you do that, you may not finish it before therapy ends. Added to this may be your fear of failure and/or fear of letting t down if you don't do the trauma work. So. . .you have mixed feelings. It's not that you're just complaining or trying to shoot down t's ideas for your therapy. But you have conflicting emotions. I think that's normal for this type of deep, intense, personal work. It's hard, it's scary, and yet, on some level, we know it's important also.

I'm guessing that your t wants to "nail down" a set "plan" for your therapy, to say "We're going to do A" or if that's too painful, then "We're going to do B." I hear you saying that in order to feel safe, you need your t to "know" the right way to go. And i think your t wants to also "know" and decide exactly where to go. However, in reality, it may be necessary to experiment with different approaches in order to get where you want to be (healed). It may not be so cut and dried.

Healing doesn't always follow a clear-cut path. Sometimes, therpapist and client need to create their own path together.