Lexicon,
My mother died 5 months ago today at 12:17 pm ( Tx time).If I didn't know better after reading your post I'd swear we were talking about the same person and same sort of mother daughter relationship!
My mother had me when she was 15 years old so it was if we grew up together. I had 2 younger brothers who we buried much too early. Oldest died in car wreck at 18, Oct. 17th 1974. The youngest killed himself while staying with my exhusband and I, Nov. 5th 1976.
Now sadly it is just me. Like you I find myself overwhelmed with grief, quilt, and a feeling that I don't want to continue.
At 5:30 this morning I sat down at my computer and typed in a search engine, " Oh mom I miss you so much, I want to die."
I believe as in the post from Wisewoman, my mother had a hand in directing me to this site and your post.
We have to believe that things will get better. Our mother's would want that.
In the meantime I find myself running to the telephone to call her whether it is bad news or good. Here lately it seems to be all bad. I'm still trying to deal with her house and her possessions. I still have her phone on at her house, and when I'm there and call my house to check messages. When I get home and see her name on my callerID I go to pieces.
This is the first time I've related my feelings since her death. I have to admit it does feel a little better.
I'm glad I came to this site and I'm sorry it was for this reason. If you need to talk or vent to anyone Lexicon I'm here. I think I will be here for quite sometime.