it just feels so hopeless.i just need to post it is ok if nobody wants to respond i'm sure my wineing about the same thing over and over again is a bit tiresome and i'm sorry .i just have so much going on it helps to type and just get it out.i went on vacation and acted likke a total jerk engaging in real risky behavior and all.not a good thing i guess.but fun.i get home sat night and sun morning my farther comes over to ask me to get my step mom to go to hosp. i go over and she is real sick.i get her to go to hosp and bye that night they have her on a bi pap machine and by monday morning she went into total resp failer and i watched as the had to put her on a vent .my farther is looking to me to help him with everything!ask doc the right questions pay bills do laundry.everything.and deal with his crying and refusal to go into the hospital room.all this and all my other crap is really wearing on me.i called my husband to talk and he told me i better keep my T appointment and that was about the extent of his input.i went to T and if any have read other posts i said nothing.but this time i couldnt even draw or do some art i couldnt even sit on floor or anyhting.so T had me just moving my body and tapping on pressure points on my body .believe it or not it helps some.if anything it hepls my stomach stop turning from anxiety.but i really want her to know what is going on she has no idea that my step mom could die and that i am spending most of my time with farther at hosp and no sleep.she did say i looked tired.but i just cant get anything to come out of my mouth.anyway i want to send her an email i havnt done this exsept to try and cancel an appointment.i know she told me if i write letters that she is worried that it will take the place of my talking to her so she doesnt want that.i know if i sent an e-mail she wont be to happy about it but will try again to talk about it aand i wont be able to and it will frustrate her.but if i did send one this is what i would say .

hi i just wanted you to know that a lot was going on for me monday and it probibly wasnt a great idea for me to even keep my appointment.i just wasnt in a great place and my husband wanted me to still go and i really didnt want to get him mad at me also.he was the only person i wanted to talk to and even he wanted to just brush me off and send me to you.guess he wasnt in a great place monday either .anyway just wanted you to know and sorry.