I am a Recovering Alcoholic and I know for a fact I can NOT drink like a normal person. I thought I could as well and it really didn't work out. I know exactly how you feel! I felt horrible and guilty and you name it, to dig a hole and hide. That all my hard work was for nothing. But no Alcoholic is perfect we all fall, but it so worth pickin yourself back up and starting all over again. Trust me I was drinking a half gallon of Vodka a day. I've made my mistakes and deep down I never want to go back. Hope this helps I really do know how you feel. It really does get better.