Oh Trippin, I hear the disease talking. You know all this but the illlness won't let it really sink in. You have been responsible. You didn't dump on him; you gave him the chance to help you and keep you safe. Imagine his pain if you had NOT done that. He needs you and you gave him the chance to do what he can to keep you, dear. That is not selfish, weak or anything else to feel guilty about, and you can tell that pain in the #¤% depression that, too. You're doing the right things, even if it feel like you're not. Hang in there. HUGGS