Well - I am sorry for the trauma you suffered. I can imagine in your job you see a lot of suffering and you have to deal with it. Watching a loved one die is possibly the most horrific thing anyone can go through. And loosing a parent too. I know - I have been there with both.

I wonder whether suffering all this makes it in some way harder to accept some realities. Harder to detach from loved ones. Harder to make ourselves safe. Harder to set boundaries for the self that keep us safe. I am just asking all of this because I really identify with alot of what you wrote. I too been with a man who does not give me what I need. The closeness and consistency.

I also wonder whether going through all this you may be scared of life. Scared of love.

And it sounds to me (though I am not a dr or a T) that you may be suffering from post traumatic stress. Have you ever been diagnosed or seen a T?

Whats your feelings/thoughts on this?

I cherish your bravery x