You don't know how good it feels and how helpful it is to me with all of your support

I wish I had people here like all of you.

Now my regular therapist says that unless I am seeing a pdoc she will not see me

and she or the previous pdoc will not refer me to anyone

and she said that if I leave her, she will write me an email stating that it was against her advice strongly and all these other things why she feels I need to be inpatient and such as a permanent record etc

so she basically said that I HAVE to be inpatient

I am not suicidal or anything, I can do things and I do for my kids but I just have this extreme unrelenting panic in my body that and obsessive thoughts that run through my mind constantly bombarding me

I do so much but they never let up even a bit

I am debilitated by not being able to enjoy things and not being at peace feeling nothing will happen to me and not worrying about every single thing and impending doom and all but I still DO everything and am there for my kids although I struggle greatly

she does not understand that I CANNOT go inpatient because I have my young kids who are only 6 and 2 and they really need me and I do care well for them but I am in a state of generalized anxiety about everything

plus, I am on the board at my son's school which is going to start soon and we are having meetings and planning things and I NEED to be there

I have many things I NEED to do right now and I suffer and still do them

I am having an open house for my house, getting some landscaping done for it and the carpets cleaned, enrolling my daughter in her daycare a few times a week, enrolled her in a gymnastics and dance class, my son has his classes and he has two weeks off and we are going on a mini vacation next week and I have to pay bills, so many things

there is just too much I need to do right now so inpatient is not an option, it will only make things much worse because I will feel loads and loads of guilt

this condition is not affecting my ability to do things with and for my kids or other things although I do them with extreme constant panic like I have had 20 cups of coffee and I am in front of a firing squad with no escape while drowning at the same time

and no one would be able to tell

but in my mind and body, I am going through hell

the doctors are just frustrated because I cannot tolerate any meds