Hello Pedal,
You are definately in the right place with your posts. Thanks so much for writing back. Mirrors can be very scary places, but they can also help use to see way inside ourselves as you did. They can also show us ones ones trapped inside. Maybe you will be able to talk to her someday and get to know her.
The pain may be from someone that doesn't want you to look that deep. They may be afraid and are trying to protect.