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Old Aug 18, 2010, 04:03 PM
Anonymous29412
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa View Post

I'm really scared to talk to T about the feelings underneath this. Oh no.. I'm going to have to do that.. I'm so freaking embarrassed. I'm an ADULT for Christ's sake. I feel so immature for needing her and being so reactive about this.
((((((((((((((jexa)))))))))))))))) There is nothing immature or mature about feelings or needs. Feeling and needs just ARE. When I pile judgment on top of my feelings (I'm being so stupid/immature/etc) it makes them that much harder to deal with...because not only am I sad/angry/needy, but now I'm also ashamed and angry at myself.

Your feelings are your feelings. I think most people here would react the same way if T suddenly announced they were moving. I *know* I would. So, are we ALL immature? Or are we all attached to someone that we're doing really hard, intimate, life-changing work with?

You feel how you feel, and your feelings are okay. T always tells me that feelings aren't emergencies, they're information. Sometimes that helps me step back to wonder what the information is, and sometimes THAT moves me a little closer to knowing what the next step is.

In a Buddhist group that I'm in, we are taught that feelings are never "good" or "bad". We are human, and we feel what we feel. Sometimes if we can embrace our feelings, invite them in instead of push them away, see them without judgment, it gives us just a little bit more room to breathe. I think Thich Nhat Hanh talks about saying to our feelings "hello, little anger", or "hello, little sadness"...just with an openness that allows us to be who we are and feel how we feel without judgment.

I guess all of this is to say, I don't see anything immature about how you are feeling. You are grieving, you are angry, you are scared, and probably a lot of other things. It makes so much sense that you would feel that way.

Be gentle with you. You deserve gentleness.

sending love, love, and love

Thanks for this!
BlackCanary, FooZe, jexa, rainbow8