I know about the embarrassment, sometimes it helps me if I pretend what I want/am talking about is like a dream and give myself some distance from it that way.

I get a lot of the holding sorts of things from my husband; maybe you can work with him some? My husband and I have a ritual, where every night before I go up to bed I turn and he pats my bottom and that's very little girlish/cared for feeling for me.