Thinker,

It took me six years to finish my bachelor's degree, and I went to school year-round. Why so long? Because I withdrew from so many classes. Every semester, the stress would overtake me, and I would have to reduce my course load or risk a crash of monumental proportions. In my graduate program, withdrawing from courses is not an option. I'm no superhero, and I don't get straight A's, but [most of the time] I pass the exams, and at this point, that's all that really matters. Bipolar is the real reason I chose to go to PA school instead of medical school - a decision that will forever break my heart. Although I've done remarkably well for myself (all things considered), I still feel like my illness has really held me back and crushed some of my dreams.

As per my evil faculty, there is a law suit pending against them under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Their actions toward me were clearly discriminatory, and they need to really understand how much pain and emotional anguish they've caused me... and perhaps hurt a little themselves in retribution. I'm sure it only makes them hate me more, but what they have done to me is wrong and illegal and it's time they pay the price... whether it ruins the school's reputation or gets some of the faculty fired or results in a financial settlement, I want them to suffer like I did.

My warmest encouragement goes out to you and all of the others on here who are still pursuing an education or career at whatever pace they can manage, and who haven't given up on themselves and on life. That is my worst fear - that one day I will decide to call it quits and give up on my hopes and dreams entirely. Sometimes it's so tempting, but I know I would regret it immensely, so no matter how many times I stumble or fall, I keep getting back up, brushing myself off, and pushing forward. I am probably pushing myself too hard right now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel... in four months I'll be done with school and free to work as much or as little as I choose. I really look forward to that.

I really appreciate everyone's support. It has made a big difference for me in the past few days as I have struggled to cope with and make sense of things that I have never experienced before (such as the hallucinations/illusions/mania). I think I'm getting better, but it's hard to tell since I'm taking so much klonopin. I'm still not sleeping much at night, and I'm still... um... hypersexual, but the klonopin basically wipes out most of the other (freakier) symptoms. I think I'll try going to the clinic tomorrow afternoon and see how I do. If I can't do it, I can't do it.

Thanks again for all of the hugs. I realllllly need(ed) them.