(((((((sunsetsunrise)))))) yes I do hear you.

It takes me a long time to trust a doctor or a therapist enough to share or accept their help. I am now onto my 4th GP in fewer years. Each time a new doctor takes over it puts me back into silence about my bi polar issues. I will just get ready to open it up and poof they leave and back to square one. The same thing with the one and only counsellor (a psych nurse) that I opened up to. We were just starting to get to the real work and poof he takes a leave of absence. His replacement challenge my dx and questioned my need for counselling. I never went back. I heard a month or so ago that my original counsellor was back. By the time I mustered the guts to make an appointment poof he is gone again on another leave. I just walked out of the office with that news while the receptionist's voice faded into the air asking if I wanted to see someone else. I just figure I should give up trying to work with a counsellor. It just doesn't seem meant to be. The only positive in this situation is that for the first time I didn't meltdown obsessing about all the abandonments in my life. Maybe that is the lesson for me. Things happen. Its not always personal. It just feels that way sometimes.

Interesting play with words there sun. I can so relate to the rape analogy when your trust is broken and your hopes shattered. You feel so violated for sure.

I love that..... hear.... heal. So close and yes.... so connected. I hear you. lol.

We also know that even in light of our past we must keep the hope alive. If we want a T to listen we have to just keep looking until we find him or her. Otherwise we have to let it go as a need and look for alternatives. For me I turn to my spiritual elders and traditional teachers to fill the void. Trust is easier for me since they are like my grandmothers and grandfathers and bring to the table knowledge and understanding that touches my very spirit. They are there for me until death do us part. I feel blessed to know I can always call upon their help and be heard.

May the help you seek find you soon. I think you handled the closure with her very nicely.

I hope you are able to get some sleep tonight. Its really the very best medicine. I finally relented to a seroquel script from my new doc on Monday. I am going to take one now and head to bed early. I didn't take one last night because I was so wired still from the good night sleep on Monday that I didn't want to go to bed last night at all. Not a good idea so tonight I am going to 'do the right thing' and go to bed before midnight. I don't think I have been to bed before midnight for a couple of years. I just hope I don't wake up in the middle of the night unabble to go back to sleep again. We shall see.

Hugs to you.