Wow, that question really hit me. Well, I mean thinking about myself, of course. I cannot speak for you, but I must say that I always like your posts very much.

The part 'what is missing' is a great question for me. I seem to dissociate. It was very hard to even accept that. With help from my T, I (sometimes) manage to talk to my alter, and sometimes now that alter contacts me. Honestly, at those - still very rare - moments, I get a feeling of being whole. It feels like being OK - without help from outside. It happens about 0.00001 % of the time, but when it does, it's so fantastic!
It still sucks all the rest of the time it feels like missing something, yes.