**trigger for alcohol, SI** Please be safe guys.

I need some time to think before I reply to all your responses. sanityseeker, your responses sound VERY familiar to me. All of you, I don't know what I'd do without your words of wisdom. Please don't feel bad if your responses don't "seem" to help, because they REALLY, REALLY are helping me think through this and hopefully this whole episode of craziness will be over soon.



Despite everything, I'm still f**king up. Last night I drank a bunch of wine with a friend thinking that would make me feel better and would be self-destructive enough to keep me from SI. Instead, I got drunk, went to the bathroom, and picked out all the scabs of my cuts with a razorblade. While my friend was there. Great idea. Yeah my friend figured something was wrong when I didn't come out of the bathroom for like a half an hour. She came knocking on the door and all the sudden I "woke up" and just started sobbing. Blood was all over the bathroom -- the tub, the floor, the sink... I wouldn't let her come in, cleaned it all up with toilet paper, washed my leg off in the shower.. but when I came out, there was blood on my forehead I didn't know about, and she knew what happened, and she just started crying. And then I started sobbing again.

Oh.
My.
God.