I'm feeling kind of sad but hopeful. T "shatters my dreams" because it is ultimately ME (and to some extent others in my life) who has to be there for myself (child parts and all) yet she is willing to be there far more than any of my other Ts. So, underneath the embarrassment I am so very grateful for my T.
Thanks for the replies.
Perna: Sometimes I feel like I'm in a dream. I see your point. This week I was too much aware that I was there, whereas the last two I let myself do what the child part wanted. I definitely notice the difference. I'm trying to get some of those needs met by my H; it's hard, though, and somehow not as satisfying to me.
skeksi: Thanks! T keeps telling me that wanting to be touched and being hugged or held are normal needs. I want and don't want them at the same time. I didn't realize that I was ashamed of those needs, but apparently I am.
tree: I know I have to be more patient. I just feel like time is running out and I'm uneasy about it. You're right. It's like starting therapy over because it's so different and it's uncharted territory.
granite: I'm always looking for new books to read. Thanks so much for replying and for the suggestion.
ghost: It's nice to "see" you again here. Thanks!
chaotic:
Quote:
|
This experience was really intense and it temporarily created a lot of mental noise and all kinds of fears like...I want this healer to hold me all the time now, its weird to be a grown woman imagining being held like that...etc. But NONE of my fears happened. In fact the adult me jump right in to capitalize on this experience by sending the child back to this place of being held when she got really scared by memories. It was just an incredible, one time healing experience that seemed to meet that need and hasn't left me craving to be held again. My adult has learned to replicate it on my own.
|
Yes! That's the way I feel about my therapy now. Holding hands with my T "created a lot of mental noise". I like the way you put it. I'm still processing it and hopefully will learn to give myself that sense of healing. I'm glad you were able to do it. That gives me hope!
jexa: I'm not sure what I'm rushing toward. Maybe just getting those feelings inside of me because I want them so badly. The first session that my T and I held hands I felt like "this is what I missed my whole life." I'm rushing toward feeling that again but it's not happening. I'm also rushing in therapy, in general, because I'm older and scared about that. I could have many more years ahead of me or maybe not. I want to make the most of them.