(((((((Jexa)))))))

I wish I had the words to make you feel better. I read your post and there was so much pain. Sadly, alcohol being a depressant wont make you feel better. I wish I could take your blade away from you, but really it is your decision to give it up. Is there any way you can get in to see your T more than once a week right now? I'm worried you are going to do permanent damage to yourself. More than just scars. Please take care of yourself. You don't deserve the pain. The cutting might seem like the answer in the short term, but in the long term it is worse. Please take care of yourself.