I had an appointment with my T yesterday (and another one later today) It wasn't the greatest session in accomplishing anything except talking about what happened during the session with the 1st T. It took me over 1/2 the session to even get out what went on because I feel so ashamed/embarrassed about the whole thing and trying to figure out if my 1st T was right or not. I mean if he was right then talking about it with my regular T would mean I am causing my own problems to seek out attention. So once I got it out and we talked about it my T wanted to set up another appointment with me but I couldn't figure out what to do (because of the whole 'is another appointment attention seeking' thing) so instead my T said he wanted to hear more about it and I set up the appointment for today. I'm so afraid to do anything because everything that I do can be seen as a ploy for attention and I will not do that.

The reason I have such a issue with the attention seeking thing is that I know there are so many people who really need the help and support from T and p-docs and so on but there are people who are out for the attention and make it hard for the ones who need the help to get it. I have a cousin who does claims she has all these medical/mental problems to get the attention from the family. I know how frustrating it is to drop everything because she has threatened to commit suicide and when I get there she admits she just wanted the attention. I haven't even told my family about my suicidal thoughts/feelings/attempts because they would have a hard time believing me from what they have experienced with my cousin.

I don't want to be attention seeking and in some way actually take up a T time when there is someone out there who really does need the help. I don't know if that makes sense or not but I feel like I'm stuck trying to figure out my own feelings and I cant help but wonder if I am causing someone else the pain that comes from needing people to care and help them when they are in a crisis but instead they have no one there to help them because someone else has 'cried wolf' too many times.