Just a few of my feelings right now. I can't seem to meet up with any of my IRL friends. They all seem to have abandoned me. My T is gone until Monday, has been all week. I feel a need to talk to him, be close to him...but I can't be. It feels like my heart is actually hurting with him being gone. I have been working very hard in therapy about the loss of my parents, or I should say the loss of my parents in my life. They are still alive but have offically nothing to do with me. It's been about a month now since they have been gone out of my life for good. My T says it's not a bad thing since they only cause me more heartache, sadness, and still abuse me.

I feel lost with my feelings, I'm not really even sure what I am feeling, just a state of confusion, no one feelings except abandonment seems to be screaming in my head. But I know there is more there, but where are they. Maybe the abandonment is just to strong.

I feel so under pressure, not enough time to do what I need to do, can't even keep myself together, physically, emotionally....mentally, I'm all over. How can I even begin to solve anything. All the tasks seem so daunting and seem like they will talk forever. Where do I go, where do I begin, where the heck am I???