((((Berries))))

I suppose I wasn't really clear in what I said. I meant, if you could imagine your life how you want it, how would that *feel* ... if you can imagine it, then it is well within your capabilities. Many of those things you mentioned aren't out of the question. Sure that big list may look scary, but if you can break down some of those things into smaller parts, I bet you could find a way to make some strides towards that goal. You can't change whats happened in the past, but the first step to change is recognition, and you've already done that... so keep on striding! We all believe in you